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August has been a very trying month for me, to say the least, what with a houseful of people and animals exhibiting strange ailments that I cannot seem to conquer or cure, despite my best efforts. My husband has had an ongoing and exhausting cough (clearing of his throat actually) for nearly four months non-stop and the doctors have failed to diagnose and/or treat it correctly. Putting him through a battery of tests and prescribing myriad drugs for everything from allergies to acid reflux. If anything, his symptoms have worsened.


That being a major issue in our household and if not enough to unhinge a family's sanity at the best of times, both dogs have come down with skin disorders; our little Eskie has a flea allergy that has usually been controlled well with Advantage, however this year his skin rebelled, causing terrible hot spots all over his body. Next, our beloved 12 year old German shepherd was bitten in the face by a spider or hornet, causing a very nasty mark in which her eye and cheek swelled up, bubbled and bled. Finally, our little family cat also has developed a dry skin condition on her back, which must cause her some discomfort although you would never know as she hides it well, as cats tend to do.


In the meantime, I am exhibiting no health related symptoms myself, other than ... well... health. Yet, I've wavered internally back and forthwith unsettling emotions ranging from guilt to incompetence because of my inability to "fix" everyone.


Looking at my situation from an organic level, that deeper place wherein we are all systematically observers of a visceral world, I've considered what is the real purpose here; What is the lesson before me that I've failed to learn, allowing instead my ego to rule the show again by feeding into those feelings of inadequacy as a woman, mother and healer.


I realize I am not responsible for fixing anything externally, however, internally I am responsible for how I feel and how I respond. No one can make you feel anything, as can no situation. Feeling being a response to something, it is clearly my own decision to accept or become upset. If it is true that the subconscious mind projects our thinking and we in turn view the outcome of that thinking as a sort of 3D movie that we live and move in, then I have somehow "welcomed" the situation, if not actually created it, even. I can't help but wonder if I am able to understand the true meaning of each expression of disease, will they miraculously be healed. Is that possible?

I decided it was best to detach myself from outcomes, yet to dig in with my logic and analysis skills, leaving emotion to the wind, as best I could. Extremely difficult for a Pisces but not impossible!

I spent several hours at the health food store picking through juices and elixirs and herbs, reading labels and asking questions of the staff. $75 later ... I came home with a battery of ammunition in the form of Tea Tree Oil, Mangosteen juice, Aloe Vera juice, Magnesium, and various herbal tinctures and remedies to try on the entire family. I bathed the little Eskie in oatmeal shampoo, brushed him out beautifully and treated his spots. He slept most of the afternoon and seemed so peaceful. My husband was also a great sport and downed all of my remedies. It will take time to see if they provide him relief, and I am working on letting it be his journey, not mine, and letting go of my attachment to his problem, while nurturing him as much as possible.

These were my thoughts when I was opening the mail and found the most wonderful card I'd ordered from a photographer at etsy.com called Dragon Prints (http://www.dragonprints.etsy.com/. The photograph was of a dragonfly in flight; a male widow skimmer ... absolutely stunning, close up photography. But since I'd mentioned to the artist that I ordered the card to frame it, he also sent me a beautiful glossy photo so I could do both! I was touched.

Needing to make a grocery run this very afternoon, I left the mail on the table and headed off. As I got into my car, something surreal happened... a dragonfly... this time a real one ... flew up to my car window and looked in at me. A gorgeous fellow at least 4 inches in length with iridescent wings and body and huge eyes. He zoomed around my car several times and even straight at the windshield to hover and look at me. I rolled down my windows and he came up to have a look, even lowered his legs as if he might land. The hair stood up on the back of my neck at this point, feeling for sure there was a message here. He maneuvered in the air around my car looking in my window, the windshield, the passenger window and even the sunroof. As I slowly backed out of the driveway, he followed. Just as suddenly as he appeared out of nowhere, he was gone.

I still can't help but think I've experienced something magical. It is said that dragonflies and frogs are the only two creatures that continually pass back and forth between the void to the higher vibrational dimension of the fairy kingdom. I, who have had the ability and privilige of seeing fairies on occassion, realized I'd just received an invitation to explore something deeper. Something about myself. I've heard that because the dragonfly lives two lives, that of a nymph in water, and that of the winged-dragon himself, such a sighting means positive changes are occurring. Could it be a confirmation that by letting go of my attachment to outcomes, I have released a past part of myself in order for someone new to emerge? The experience left me with an overwhelming sense of wonderment and joy, if nothing else.

The next few days I will spend preparing for company and will have little time to spend wondering or worrying, other than that special kind of worrying that comes from expecting company! Moving beds, laundering linens, making beds, deep cleaning, buying groceries, mowing lawns ... and trying to create a sense of comfort for weary travelers and hosts alike. Sometime mid September, when the house is empty again and I have quiet time, I will explore all of this in greater detail. In the meantime, I will keep an eye out for my dragonfly friend.

But for now, it is late now and I am off to bed to sleep. Perhaps I will consider my day and my dragonfly before I fall asleep to dream, and if I'm lucky, my dreams will be filled with answers.

~L