Some Spring Cleaning Is In Order

It's been so long since I've been inspired, or worse, had the time to make an entry here. I miss that. I feel disconnected in a way when I am not writing. And despite the fact that there are very few indeed who visit here, I still feel that someone hears and someone wants or needs to know or simply enjoys whatever few words I am able to extrapolate from my heart and my soul and the ethers for the purpose of connecting with fellow travelers.

Since returning to work on a full-time basis, I realize that I have put aside those pursuits that unburden me. Those creative doings, whether to write or to paint or to read, and to meditate, which is to feed my soul ... instead I see myself coming home at days end and feeling seriously tired and uninspired to do much more than flop in an easy chair. My meditations end in my head tilting backwards and my mouth lolling open in a loud snore! You'd think I'd been hauling stones from the quarry all day. Fact is, I sit most of the day at a desk and work at a computer and talk on the phone and send a good deal of emails this way and that, while the more creative side of me settles back somewhere in the recesses of my mind where it hides and waits for a more suitable opportunity to show itself. But I've also learned, over the years, if one doesn't let the soul out for exercise regularly, she atrophies, like an unused limb. Not good.

I decided that pulling out my Course in Miracles book would be a good way to restart my creative engines and began a stoic attempt to read it nightly, but kept falling asleep mid sentence. My ego mind lazy and annoyed, having grown secure in its prolonged respite. I realize how easily we can fall away from the path! I remember the days when I ravished the book from start to finish in one week of heart fluttering, stolen moments! I couldn't put it down and when I did, I couldn't wait to get back to it. It was a revelation. It seemed I'd been awaiting those words for all my life. And yet, how easily I'd fall back into old habits and despite "knowing" something was not right, continued with an easier path. Like a tire in a rut. It's hard to pull out and turn away.

But I stuck to pulling up and out of my self-imposed harness, because I know I must. and suddenly little things begin to happen that I recognize as "assistance" from my invisible crew of helpers. Such as: when I fall asleep mid sentence or in the midst of meditation, a loud clap wakes me up, a gentle poke in the back of the head, my name is shouted... and I wake up and see no one, but I have to smile and acknowledge that they have acknowledged my "attempt" and seeing that I am serious, they have stepped in. Then there are the accompanying dreams, the gentle humming of spinning chakras, and other physical, tangible changes that remind me I am not a body, but an essence inhabiting one, ultimately a creator. I believe our helpers will allow us to falter as much as we desire. If our desire is in earnest, they will help us along in the way we wish to go. But walk in the direction of truth and there are powerful arms just waiting to lift us quickly towards that goal.

I assume what happens when we fall away from our path is much like what happens when we say the Rosary or a familiar prayer so often that it becomes rote and suddenly our lips are moving but our minds are elsewhere... on the unfinished laundry or unpaid bills ... the ego mind is clever and much prefers to busy itself with the meaningless. It takes over quite easily if one fails to be diligent. Autopilot is really a sort of shock, it is the walk of the sleepers, the dance of the dead.

So, I've pulled out of the rut again and have made a pact with myself, my soul to be diligent only for truth the remainder of the year. I believe it is necessary to have milestones along the way so that we may double check our progress. Never allow yourself to think it is unimportant or doesn't matter. Because, it is really the only thing that does.

Each day is a rebirth of sorts. Rebirth, after all, is foremost in our hearts this time of year, made visible by the Earth in her annual rituals, and in our own rituals, with the celebration of Easter. Easter is clearly the epitome of rebirth and renewal. It is designated to arrive the first Sunday after the first full moon after the Spring Equinox, when due to the Earth's revolutions, the sun's rays are concentrated along the path of the equator and day and night are exaclty the same length for one 24 hour period. This special day has been celebrated by all religions as a time of rebirth, certainly Judeo-Christian... I recall the Easter Sundays of my youth dressed up with shiny Mary Janes, Sunday School (which I dispised) and breakfast out, Easter egg hunts, baskets filled with candy ... but certainly the ancient "pagans" celebrated this time, too, and many of their traditions are our own, thus the rabbit and eggs so clearly expressing fertility, and the word itself clearly originated from the name of the Mother Goddess of the Saxon people... Eostre, or the Teutonic Goddess of Fertility who was called Ostare.

I've always loved Easter because it truly heralds the new year moreso than January 1 ever could. I look outside today and daffodils and tulips push through the soil, despite the fact that we had a light snow last night. Winter hangs on! I hope you will join me in this time of renewal and pull yourself free of any ruts you may have fallen into. Regain your own path to enlightenment. Your Teacher awaits you within! There's no need to shout it out, or let anyone know, which only feeds the ego or opens you up to persecution anyway. It's best to hide the newborn child. Keep it your own secret, the ego hates that most! Be a quiet example. Be cheerful and serene!

Here's an affirmation I made up that helps me to remember... "I turn away from the ways of the world, I tread lightly upon the earth, and despite the obvious predicament of being here in the world... I am not of the world, I am merely passing through. May I be as a light unto those who would see."

Each one who changes, changes another ... it's like a domino effect! The wonder of it all!

~L